8th day of December
Had a walk in the park with BFRB,
in the chill wind, under a drizzling sky.
The weather is gloomy so as my heart,
who has shattered by this appalling world.
Showing posts with label Emo pie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emo pie. Show all posts
Rant Rant Rant!
Dear Diary
I failed to convey idea for 5-pages-design-visual in clear speech.
Apparently, everyone was dumb founded as I went on, and jaw-dropped as I finished.
I have this condition of having problem making up my mind on what thoughts to deliver, not clear in head on where to start, and how to deliver a whole story in sequence. I reformat my mind too freequently, leaving no log kept, despite useful or non. How could an empty mind conveys a clear set of message to be understood. Clearing my memory has been a helpful action to achieve a peaceful mind. It would be too pain to remember what had happened every single day.
Weakness could be shucked off. If only I would want to wear myself to frazzle, spending time on what's not my interest(at all) to work better for somebody else. Anything that has to do with IMPROVING LIFE is not my concern because I believe the world has had enough of garbage already!!!! i don't think there will be any trash-collecting Wall-E being manufactured in the future as mankind would have all DIE due to excessive effort in improving mankind's life!!! Mankind is the greatest earth contamination. I have gotten enough damages to my soul already.
need to rest, for tmrow.
It isn't friendly to work in a team with a sleepy head because it feels bad to delay the entire working system. Now I know I would not want to serve anyone else. Dealing with so many parties kill your fun of being a designer. There is no what so ever pleasure in such project that I thought would enhance my portfolio. I was wrong. It will not. Because the end product will only end up as somebody else's property, not your design.
Alas, I have even start adapting stiff technical terms in my daily conversation. Such pollution ought to be DECONTAMINATED!!!WTF
Having faith in the wrong person who has a twisted mind, has led me to such dead end.
What I will do, is not to conceal the damage caused, but to highlight it so I will be abandoned and banned from meetings. That would be very great to me as I had lost interest in connecting mind to ironmen!
Good night,
Dirty Emo
Put my head on my shoulder :}
A Letter to 1st July 2008 me:
Hi, it's my 23rd-years here now
as a promise to my self, I'm writing to answer myself a few question:
Asked by 1st July me:
1: Am I your source of motivation?
Answered by 6th July me:
Dear 1st July Mc, I recalled and then I realized, every movement I made, is motivated by the previous seconds' me, I'm activated, by my source of inspiration, which are dreams, that you've made.
2: How have I surprise you lately?
I am not sure, who surprised me, whether it is your brain, or you, or your dream? Memory on dreams lately amazed me, you gave me puzzles!
3: What do you find interesting about me or the me from past dates?
I suppose the decisions you'd made, quite few are rather disappointing. However those results really did brought a lil sparkle to my life, which makes me interesting, in not so a unique way. I would not blame on you as I have no where to know who am I yet, so randomness is understandable for now.
* * *
I am afraid I do not feel any younger at the moment, I still feel as what I was yesterday. 23-year-old mankind, OH I feel slight ashamed now, seeing I have not fulfill my wish in lifting hopes, be inspiring to others, I have not reach my barrier, nor find it, to break it. I feel (tu).
I miss home more, now. Idea of giving out resign letter keeps popping up in my mind, I do feel it will be good to do it but I am timid, and lazy.
How should I react toward typicality, stereotypical questions, and devil's slave?
I do nothing to 'em most of the time, sometimes I reversed the stereotypical question to see how it sounds to be not typical, sometimes I try to think typically, and found that I do not know where there heck does typical question come from, but I suspect, it came from: ignorance, showmanship, lack-of-patient, uninspiring-impression-and-expression, no, wrong, lack-of-thought-im-expression. Becoming devil's slave, might due to 2 reasons, in my opinion:
1) Love and responsibility, good reason, nothing to be ashamed of. Encouraging. It fulfills the element as human nature.
2) Out of greed, timid, laziness, and lost-of-soul, being lured, and gone.
How long do I need to take care of myself? before I get someone single to take care of me?
Maybe I should not take care of myself, to lead to a way to get hurt and to get growth.
Think, mama said Me am Warm outside, and Cold inside. I sounded like a fried-ice-cream, or a skin-heated-with-chill-innerness mash-potato. Because of my arrogant?
No idea :}
I have no whatsoeva idea on what a 23-should be.
* * *
Mama, Papa, Pohpoh, I love you all :} I will sayang your daughter and granddaughter more :')
She will be beautiful, like you :P =)
Love,
Zing
Toxic girl
I feel poisoned
I feel like a pizza fresh from the oven,
salty, cheesy, chrispily crunchy, sizzling hot,
red,
hot,
inside out..
and weak, because I am a pan pizza with thick oily breadie base that could not stand up.. hard. - -
It must the clam boy,
that I swallowed last night.
* * *
Daddy's little girl away from home:
When you are sick, you are sick.
Imaginary me
Losing grip on reality
I start imagining my self
My eyes are opened
Mind becomes lighter, as I started to see with eyes
Heart feels weighty, I can't imagine when I say "Oh I See."
I am verbally autistic
Imagining me uttering words I bear no mean to speak
I talk(ed)(to you) in my mind
Aye, I am imagining,
My sealed eyes, that see only the darkness of truth, imaginable, clean, possible.
With my optical system shut off, tight, my organs(other) receive only false deceptions, right simple truth.
I was born twisted, not straight, right, with nonsense.
I was born, with long white hair, black invisible spread wings, long face, short-circuited nerves,
and pretty little tits
Sounds like an angel
So you see, and now you read.
Close your eyes, and think.
It's wrong.
Wrong.
Not right.
Think, why would I deceive you?
Feel So UGLY
I hate to feel ugly right in the morning.
I just feel so UGLY and I hate myself for still waking here now yah why not sleeping-or-whatever-not-awake-or-just-black-off still instead
I hate my face and my lips and my sensitivity and my ears and my heart and my brain which made me a Brainless-alike-that-reminds-me-all-time-to-be-dumb-humble-and-pharking-low-profile. Forget the malfunctioned parking nose.
Want to Rip off all my body parts and feed ITITITIT to the killer-shark(who had swallowed Christina Aguilera's shooting crew(IN MY DREAM)) I dreamt of yesterday night and what a farking bloody nightmare that I had to witness all the stupid shit horrors in my I-thought-I-sealed-ITx2-tight-TIGHT-eyes. GO SWIM AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK TO RETURN ME MY BLOODY PARTS IN BLOODY SHIT and REMEMBER to remind me to jump into your UGLY big mouth so that I CAN LET YOU EAT ME ALIVE and I will ever have the Experience of NEAR DEATH(OH SO WHAT I ASSUME I AM STILL CONSCIOUS AFTER DEATH IN DREAM) and that I COULD appreciate my life more appropriately than NOW WHEN I AM AWAKE(IF I REALLY AM).
YEAH. Right. DRAMA
I hate talking to PEOPLE(WHO asked silly questions and SILLY-LY neglect your senses throughout your life and thought that SOME OTHER PEOPLE ARE DAMN SICK but not yourself-OH I AM TALKING TO MYSELF AGAIN. I AM SICK. Ah~ I made a false statement. You don't neglect your senses throughout your life because you still go to a doctor when you are having a sore throat or disturbing-draining-eyes or running nose or aching stomach or deadly-killing-aching-tooth. GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
I just want some autistic moment for myself.
I HATE PHONE CALLS AND Whatever it is I JUST Want to be in QUIET.
I AM SICK (LITERALLY)
AND I HAVE A DAMN UGLY-BLACK-HEART
* * *
I was watching Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane and I was so highly entertained by her amusing loud dramas(Who wouldn't enjoy watching a mogul, model and mother of 2 children 's dramas) and she actually reminds me of someone who Kimora-is-prettier-than-she-is-that-she and both performed the comparable degree of fabulous drama in real life and ah! I think Kimora is SMART and I just~ love~ dramas dramas.
* * *
Blah, I still feel so ugly and I hope there is something that I can do to shut my ears and I need a quiet fresh-aired place to breath. Any where selling Doraemon's Fresh-Air-Can or similiar products?
Going for drawing class later and I hope there is where I can get my heart tamed and be just concentrate in drawing and I love it so much and I would not mind being a happy-but-poor artist someday when I have jump off the circle of keep rolling-rolling-rolling(Oh thanks Limpbizkitz for your background voice) down the hill.
Soup of the day: SourGrape-without-mushroom soup
* * *
Emo of the day: SOUR
* * *
Personal message:
You may need your own d r i l l b i t to stay out of a perfect SCREW
. . .
After getting my own drill bits, I can drill kao kao in the workshop tomorrow
I can't drill Morning Charlie,
I can't drill Lori,
I can only drill kao kao my pieces of wood under the legal law system,
it sounds fun to "drill someone de buttock" though
* * * >.< * * * Gan Zeongggg
Why SourGrape for soup of today?
1) Uncle asked me to search for 'em on my own:( (Im a spoilt 7th grader. And wei it's like playing treasure hunt with a given hint : somewhere around the machines -_-, but where?)
2) Ah li said the bits I want are in the box, or else then tak ada (Memang tak ada)
3) What a cacophony in workshop:(, when jigsaw-gor stop blasting and sandy-jie start humminggg, (dust)sucker never stop making noise:(
4) Corrosive CCola ODed, acidic-> sour-> >.< -> mang zang>:(
~ ~ ~
Why without-mushroom-?
NO Mushroom soup today, KennyR. said only chicken cream soup is served:( I simply can't take meat today cause Im feeling sorry to the deaths.
Rest in Peace, chicks, moo, babe..
>: (
Back to work>:
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